Unlikely Glossary Project
Tea
Tea is what makes the world go ‘round. And by the world, I mean
Nick. And by ‘go round, I mean “stay up.” Tea is that most essential of companions in insomniacal adventures of all kinds—second only, of course, to good and perversely determined company.
Tea, properly speaking, refers only to
camelia sinensis and beverages derived therefrom, and never to puny herbal teas, though they too must, I suppose, have their place in the grand scheme of things.
Proper
UgP-folk prefer their tea through
Peets or
Upton, and eschew wherever possible the overpriced bastardy of Tealuxe.
Types of Tea
Tea is classified according to how thoroughly it has been processed (dried, etc) after being plucked. The range is from white tea, which is relatively fresh, through green to oolong and then black. Then there’s puerh, but nobody drinks that anyway.
h2. Preperation
Tea should always be prepared using loose leaves, preferably unbroken. (The niftiest teas will have hand-rolled leaves that unfold in the water as they brew, but this is incidental to the actual quality of the beverage. Like gold accents on a fountain pen.) Bodum’s press pots are good at separating the leaf from the liquor, though they also lose heat rapidly. SwissGold filter in a traditional ceramic teapot is another good option. Storage in a vacuum-insulated thermos is highly reccomended.
h2. Tea and culture
In Japan, tea is prepared in some kind of freaky ceremony. In England, it is served either “high” or “low”, inversely proportional to the social status of the household.
h2. Tea and homework
A late night requires two to three dedicated pots. All-nighters warrant something more like five pots for smooth continuance of attention.
h2. UgP-folk Preferred Varieties
h3. Black
Peet’s Assam Extra Fancy—In a good year, the best basic Assam around, smooth without being weak, and moderately priced. Favorite of Dan and Nick.
Irish Breakfast—Whitney’s tea of choice, at least at one point.
Peet’s Lavender Earl Grey—Nick’s signature tea all through high school. Smells rather like bacon.
Lapsang Souchong—Nick’s second favorite tea of all time. China black tea smoked over a pine fire.
h3. Oolong
Ti Quan Yin—Nick’s favorite tea of all time, a Chinese oolong, named after the Bodhisattva.
h3. Green
Sencha—Highly vegetal Japanese green.
Morrocan Mint—A green base heavily scented with mint. Nick once drank such tea for an hour and a half after arriving spectacularly early for an NCT cast party at a karaoke bar, of all places. (The tea was not served at the karaoke bar, of course.)
h3. Cheapass crap
In the realm of cheapass bag tea, notable figures are Lipton Green, which actually isn’t all that bad, Tetley, which is less bad than it might be and also amusing because of the connection to the beer, and Autocrat, which is so bad as to baffle the mind and shake the soul of man.
h2. See also
Crumpet, Biscuits for Tea